Thursday, March 11, 2010

Rules for Using Facebook

I see a lot of crazy stuff on Facebook and I was just thinking to myself, maybe some people need some help. You know a set of rules to guide them so that they aren't looking silly here in the electronic community. Just an FYI, I'm posting these in fun. I'm sure I've done some of this myself, but I never claimed to be perfect!

#1. Don't confuse Facebook for your diary. If it's something you don't want to discuss or delve into on a public forum then DON'T post it.
~ I don't know how many times I see people post stuff like, "I'm going thru such hard times" or "Thank you everyone for your support" Only to get replies such as, "Oh no, what's going on? Can I help?" Then the initial poster comments back, "I'd rather not get into it." or "I know you all are concerned, but I'd just prefer to keep to myself." Um, pretty sure that's not the case b/c you posted a gigantic, "Throw Me a Pity Party Sign."

#2. Respect yourself and your FB friends and limit yourself to one negative status post per day.
~ I know, we all have bad days and it seems like the best way to release your frustration is to type your anger into your FB status, but realize that your friends don't need your negativity just b/c you got a flat tire on your way to pull a double shift so you can pay your rent w/o having to sell yourself on the corner this week. You know what I'm saying?

#3. If you've never spoken to someone in real life (by real life I mean face to face, in the flesh) don't ask to be their Facebook friend.
~ Seriously, if you haven't even said, "Hi" to this person, do you really think you deserve a high and mighty title such as Facebook Friend or if you are set to English Pirate, Me Hearty? Come now, these prestigious titles are to be shared w/only those who are truly deserving!

#4. If you aren't going to remain PG13, don't be friends with your good friend's children.
~ You don't want to be the reason that your friend's son or daughter asks them what a Dirty Sanchez is, now do you?

#5. Think before you post drunken pictures of your friends.
~ My generally rule of thumb is, would I want this picture posted of me if I was the one doing a keg stand w/my boobs popping out of my shirt while some strange, dirty guy is spanking my ass?? If the answer is yes, then by all means, post the picture!! Don't forget to tag the person in the picture and hit share, that way everyone you and that person know all get to enjoy the picture!

#6. If you have Facebook Text or Facebook Mobile, do not drunk text!!!!
~ This is highly dangerous if you are texting FB text before you are drunk, then when you are drunk it's the most recent person texted. Don't put yourself in a vulnerable position ladies and gents or you could end up drunk texting all 203 of your FB friends, 178 of whom you've never spoken to in real life, that you just threw up and are now about to get it on w/that old guy you hate from Circle K!

#7. Don't tell secrets on FB or talk in code and expect not to get found out, only to get angry when you do.
~ It's not a secret on a public forum, so don't say what a bitch Suzy Mae is when you are FB friends with Suzy Mae's sister's best friend b/c you know it's going to get back to her! The electronic world is a small one my friends! You could however do what I do and tell Suzy Mae that she's a bitch straight to her face, then feel free to post it all you want b/c you told her first!

#8. Don't stalk other people's FB pages.
~ This one should really be common sense. Unless of course they are a public figure, they are your ex of any sort or you are obsessed with them in some way. If any of those are the case, then feel free, stalk away!

#9. There is no need to give a daily play-by-play.
~ Although all your FB friends love you to tears, they do not need to know that you woke up at 6:01am. Farted while you took your morning piss at 6:03am. Got cutoff by a car at 8:38am. Took your morning crap at 9:00am. And so on, it's just a lot more information than necessary. So please leave out the part about you waking up, I can figure that out by you telling me about taking your morning piss.

1 comment:

  1. #1. Not only shouldn't you do it, but 2 violations should get your FB frequent flier card revoked. Hey let's face it, just like your driver's lic. FB is a privilege not a right.

    #2. Yeah, what about me being your FB friend makes you think that you can depress me without at least having the decency to pick up the phone? Penalty: See #1

    #3. Agreed, and add to it, definitely don't ask me to be your friend if I don't know you, and you have 2 photos of yourself: one with you staring creepily into your web cam with no shirt on in the chair you have likely been sitting in for 13 hours, and the other a picture of some weird cartoon. I ran from MySpace to Facebook to get away from you, STOP FOLLOWING ME!

    #4. I am not and you shouldn't be either. There is a fine line between creepy and cho-mo, don't put yourself in a position where you may accidentally cross it in front of six million people.

    #5. Agreed, though I am totally guilty of this. Penalty should be friend gets to post a similarly embarrassing pic of you to make it square.

    #6. Awe come on, I wake up Sunday morning and rush to my computer for this exact reason. May be a rule of thumb, but I DO want to know what that annoying cheerleader who I hated in high school, but feel obligated to be FB friends with because I don't want my invitation to my high school reunion to get "accidentally" lost in the mail since she IS the high school reunion Nazi.

    #7. Agreed. Penalty: see #1.

    #8. Wasn't this the reason FB was created?


    Addition: Stop sending me requests for cows, knives, birthday pokes, kisses, high heels, ninjas, or midgets. Sure throw it out there once to see if I respond. If by the 7th request I haven't watered your F'in fish or put a hit on your rival war lord, then stop asking. I want a NO button so I can rudely turn you down after the 16th time, no more of this polite ignore crap.